GRAND PRIZE WINNER
For some it comes easy, but Plum’s essay contest award-winner, Anne Cushing, learned that, for her, love takes time.
"Love or Lack Thereof"
I was 6 years old when my sister was born. When my mother brought her home from the hospital, I asked why she had decided to have another child.
“I thought you might want a sister to play with.” She said.
“Well,” I replied, “I don’t.”
That was my attitude about babies in general. Throughout my childhood, my teenage years, and into adulthood, I swore that I would never have kids. Why would anyone want a kid? They’re noisy, smelly, obnoxious and time-consuming, not to mention expensive.
In the winter of 2004, I met my husband. He was a journeyman plumber and I was his apprentice. As Dave trained me in the skills of the trade, we developed a friendship, which gave way to lust and eventually to genuine love.
Dave talked of having children, and I began to warm to the idea, but the time wasn’t right. I continued to take my birth control pill every day, which is why, in January 2006, I was so surprised to see a positive result on a home pregnancy test.
Other than the terrible morning sickness, I found that I enjoyed being pregnant. I wore clothes that showed off my bulging belly, I enjoyed the attention from strangers, and I especially loved the way Dave looked at me.
Then, with the simple act of birth, it all came to an end.
At the time of Sam’s birth, Dave’s work required him to work day and night. When I got home from the hospital, I was all alone. All alone with a screaming infant whom I had no idea how to care for.
Sam kept me up all day and all night. If he wasn’t sleeping, he was screaming. I cried constantly. I wished that it had never happened. How
stupid was I to think that having a baby was a good idea? I wished I could just take Sam back to the hospital and leave him there.
How would Dave take it if I suggested we give Sam up for adoption? I wondered.
Day after day I changed his diapers, fed him, burped him, and bathed him. Eventually, we settled into something of a routine.
Then, one day, Sam smiled at me. It took that smile for me to realize that he wasn’t just a baby, he was a person. This person will grow. He will go to school. He will like art and hate math, or maybe the other way around. He will collect interesting rocks, or toy cars, or perhaps both. He will grow into a man, have a career, a wife, maybe even kids.
I suppose for some, love just happens. For me, however, it had to grow. Both with my husband and my son, it was far from instantaneous. I did not love my husband upon our first meeting, nor did I love my son upon his birth. Quietly and secretly, love first put down its roots; in time, it came to bloom.
Anne Cushing, the winner of the first Plum essay contest, is a plumbing apprentice and showroom manager in Bellingham, Wash. Her son, Samuel, is now 18 months old.
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